No Surprises Here

You are a Social Conservative (36% permissive) and an... Economic Moderate (56% permissive) You are best described as a: Centrist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Musical Thoughts

"Teaching is not my main purpose. I want to make good citizens. If a child hears fine music from the day of his birth and learns to play himself, he develops sensitivity, discipline and endurance. He gets a beautiful heart." Shinichi Suzuki

"People who make music together cannot be enemies, at least while the music lasts." Paul Hindermith

"Music is the vapor of the air. It is to poetry what reverie is to thought, what fluid is to solid, what the ocean of clouds is to the ocean of waves." Victor Hugo

"As humans our best work is art. But artists don't leap to life full grown. They need good schools, patient parents and skilled mentors." David Rockefeller, Jr.

"Music is moral law. It gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, gaiety and life to everything. It is the essence of order, and leads to all that is good, just and beautiful, of which it is the invisible, but never the less, dazzling, passionate, and eternal form. Education in music is most sovereign because more than anything else rhythm and harmony find their way to the inmost soul and take strongest hold upon it, bringing with them and imparting grace, if one is rightly trained." Plato

While Almost Asleep

The other night, I had just finished watching an episode of Without a Trace where a girl who made her living turning tricks had disappeared and by the end of the episode, you found out she'd been desperately trying to get some money ahead, a job, and a nice apartment so that social services would let her have her little girl. In short, she was trying to change her life. A daunting task to any of us, and harder for a girl who didn't seem to have anyone to care about her or to help her. (The landlord reported her missing because she owed him rent and he was expecting sex from her.)

So, anyway, I finished watching this show and I'm lying in bed just sort of drifting and I hear this conversation between two women, one quite young and one older. The younger one said something about a career as a prostitute and the older one came back with a pretty sage assessment of that method of learning a livlihood. It went something like this:

"Honey, prostitution is *not* a career. A career is job you can work your whole life and learn and grow and develop. Have you ever seen an old prostitute? Well, other than the toothless joke that you find in comedies about trailer trash? Or in some small town somewhere where there's absolutely no competition? How many guys want to pay some woman as old as or older than their wife/girlfriend when they can pay some teeny bopper pretending to be a little older just a ways up the block. Or even someone your age? Nope. There's no future in prostitution.

"Prostitution is *not* a career. It's a temporary part-time job to get back at your boyfriend after he dumps you telling you you're no good in bed when the truth is you don't remember the last time he wanted you when he wasn't so drunk/stoned that he passed out before you got much of anywhere. Prostitution is what you do when you get all of his buddies to pay to sleep with you and then give them the times of their lives so they brag to him and all of their other friends about you and he realizes just what he lost in you. Then you move on before it gets hold of you and you have nowhere left to go."

Kind of a cynical woman, isn't she? But I kind of like her manner. I don't know if this is based on some memory from some book I've read or some movie I've seen but it was just so intense, I decided to share it somewhere.

Disclaimer: I, personally cannot fathom any situation in which I would advocate prostitution to anyone for any reason. Just because I like the character doesn't mean I want to be like her.

What is it with birthdays, anyway?

Why does everyone seem to have at least one birthday that freaks them out? And why does it differ so much from person to person? I guess I'm saying this as one of those who hasn't yet reached my "freak-out" birthday. But I just don't get it. I mean, I do have moments when I feel old, but it's usually when one of my children reaches a milestone. And then it's just "I'm not old enough to have a kid who _____."

I guess 40 is one of those magic freak-out birthdays. I have a couple of friends who reached it with no big fanfare or trauma. It was just another birthday. I have another friend who started freaking out about it when he was turning 39. He decided that he didn't want to have birthdays anymore. And he wasn't going to acknowlege them ever again. Of course, his wife, being thoughtful about the approaching milestone planned a big todo for his birthday to soften the blow. That one took a while to get past.

Now, my husband is turning 40 in a couple of months and he's expecting me to throw some big party. I hate parties in general. I don't much like attending them and I certainly don't want to plan one. I'm completely out of my depth. To make matters worse, his birthday is on Thanksgiving this year. Can't have the party on his birthday unless I'm only inviting family. Need to have it right about then, like Friday, while the out of town family is still here. So now I'm dealing with house guests and a party. Two of my least favorite things. And he keeps reminding me that I turn 40 next year, etc., etc. and guaranteeing me that he'll be throwing a party for me. What if I don't want a party. What if I just want to spend it quietly with my immediate family? Nope. He won't hear of that. Of course, I did make a big deal about turning 30 (sans the nasty party thing) and spent forever working on getting him the perfect gift commemorating the big day. Did he return the favor? Nope. It was just another birthday for me. So, once again, I guess I get to make a big deal out of his birthday and just guess whether he'll do the same for me or not.

Wish me luck.

p.s. Are denying the birthday and wanting a huge deal made of it two sides of the same coin? Are they both freaking out? Hmmm....

The Little Mermaid

I love that movie. I have since the first time I watched it. I never went to see it in the theater because I didn't have any kids yet, but ever since I bought it on video, I've regretted that. I could point to great scenes and songs in the movie that keep me coming back over and over again (Kiss the Girl, for example), but to be perfectly honest, what I love most about the movie is one line uttered by Ursula when she's enticing Ariel to trade her voice, something that's very much a part of her but that she'd always taken for granted for what she dreamt about most in the world. As Ariel is objecting to the high price she is told, "Life's full of tough choices, isn't it deary?"

If I had to pick one sentence to sum up my view of life right now, that would be it. When confronted with difficult decisions, I somehow always seem to say to myself that, "This would be so easy if ____." But the problem is, that if isn't true. And it's not going to be any time soon. And sometimes it's the stupidest decisions that tie me up in knots.

For example: In a couple of weeks, our home college football team is playing an away game a reasonable drive from here. If we make the drive slightly longer, we can go through the town where my oldest is attending college and pick her up to take her with us. Now comes the hard part. There isn't enough room in the car to take everyone who wants to go unless I find a sitter for the youngest for a weekend - a very unappealing prospect as far as I'm concerned. But if she goes with, someone has to stay at home, and it's most likely to be the kid who really needs the most love and encouragement right now - the one who needs the special privileges. Of course, I could always stay home with the baby even though I'd really like to go, but then the hubby would be all upset and pouty. I mean, I could use the quiet time at home, but I really don't want to deal with his disappointment. No matter what I choose, someone will be disappointed at the very least. Then, of course, there's the expense of gas, hotel room, game tickets, etc. We briefly considered renting a larger car, but with the current gas prices, that's pretty unappealing, too. So now what? I make a decision and go with it, but what will it be?

Like I said, it's those pesky little if's. There are so many decisions that would be so easy if only.... I guess it's time to face facts and just make the decisions, even though.