What's going on in my head?

So, recently I started having this series of odd dreams about this guy I've known forever where I always end up kissing him. There are several things that make this odd. First, I'm not unhappy in the relationship I'm in right now. Second, I don't remember EVER being attracted to this man who I've known for over 10 years. I'm not saying he's not an awesome guy, just that I'm not attracted. Third, for a man with little experience with girls he's a PHENOMENAL kisser. (Not gay, that I'm aware of, just an uber-geek.) Fourth, even if I were available, there are a myriad of reasons I'd never even date the guy, let alone marry him. (Not the least of which is that he's my boss.)

So, what's up with this?

AMEN

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=34254

Button Pushing

A while back I spent a good deal of time reading message boards on Yahoo. I still read a few here and there (both on Yahoo and elsewhere) on specific topics. I've discovered that no matter where you go on message boards and similar forums (including going back to my BBS days), there is always at least one person who posts something controversial just to get a rise out of others. Then, they just sit back and read the ensuing heated conversations with great amusement. I'm beginning to wonder if a recent question asked on the 100 Hours Board was asked by just such a person. Perhaps the questioner was completely innocent, but the resulting brouhaha is making ME laugh.

For those of you who aren't regular readers of the board, here's the original question. http://theboard.byu.edu/?area=viewall&id=34094 Over the last couple of days there have been a myriad of responses to it, mostly strongly polarized. There have even been a couple of comments that have just barely stopped short of blaming this poor questioner of being the cause of all sexual discrimination and rape in the US. It's amazing. There was even one guy who wants to be comfortable with his girl wearing whatever she's wearing to the temple. I'm thinking she better not like wearing sweats. Or even jeans. Sheesh. They did print one comment today that was fairly balanced and seemed to simply call for caution and restraint. http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=34359 (Go Petra!) But even that one was a bit polarized. And here I still suspect that if this guy isn't a pot stirrer, he just worded his question rather poorly. Poor guy.

A Presidential Candidate is Coming to Idaho!!!

How cool is that? I don't remember the last time a presidential candidate came to Idaho. Every third or fourth election we might get a vice presidential candidate, but a presidential candidate? Wow. Way to go Mitt Romney!

Okay. I understand why they don't bother. Idaho can pretty much be counted on to vote for the Republican candidate. And by the time we have our primary elections, the conventions haven't been held, but just about everyone has dropped out of the race and it's pretty much decided. I'd even convinced myself to not even bother evaluating candidates and deciding on my favorite this time around until May of next year since my candidate almost never appears on our ballot. Perhaps I'll rethink that. Hmmm....

From my email

Top 10 reasons to elect Mitt Romney

10) The National Cathedral could be renamed the National Tabernacle

9) NASA could commission a satellite to 'hie to Kolob'

8) The Secret Service could be renamed the Sacred Service

7) All official government prayers could include the phrase 'that we all can get home safely'

6) Napoleon Dynamite could get someone other than Pedro elected

5) The President could not only explain things in Layman's terms, but also Lemuel's terms

4) The President could issue pardons in exchange for 100% home teaching

3) Not only could he pronounce 'Nuclear' but also 'Mahonri Moriancumer' and 'Maher Shalal Hash Baz'.

2) At his inauguration he would swear on the Bible 'as far as it is translated correctly'

1) Finally a first family large enough to fill up the White House


Now, to find out who Maher Shalal Hash Baz is.....

Oh. Here we go. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maher-shalal-hash-baz

A true rant

Yeah, it's time for me to complain in a completely unorganized fashion about something that makes no difference to me personally whatsoever. So be warned.

I was reading the 100 Hour Board today and there was a post that just bothered me. A lot. And while the answer was sensible, I'm not sure I was in love with it either. Here's the question with my commentary:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

This is sort of a sensitive question, and I hope I won't be harshly judged for it.

Dang. A true sign of a guilty conscience. But not enough information here to judge anything.

I am a happily married man. My wife is wonderful. She is intelligent, fun, beautiful, and the best thing to ever happen to me.

Good. Every husband should feel that way. And every wife should feel similarly about her husband. Point in his favor.

But before I dated/married her, I dated another girl for several years. She was a great girl and one of my best friends, but I decided things weren't going where I had hoped, and the relationship ended.

Best friends. Several years. This was quite a relationship. The kind that's really hard to leave behind you. But I'm guessing that after several years, if they weren't going to marry it would be a good time to break it off. Wait. One minor point. He never said WHO broke it off. Was it him because it was going nowhere, or was it her because she felt he was overly possessive or something and she thought they were just friends? That could play a MAJOR role in what he should or shouldn't do.

The thing is, the end was messy. Communication was utterly cut off. Bad feelings existed. I hate it when that sort of thing happens.

So, did she tell you to never darken her door again? Or did you tell her you never wanted to see her again? Either way, are the reasons for the break in communication still valid? If you shut her out so you wouldn't obsess over her, is that still a danger? If she shut you out, was it because you wouldn't take the hint and go and she just wasn't that into you? Or did you both stoop to name-calling and generally childish behavior because the loss of something dear to you was so hurtful? And does this sort of thing happen to you often? Or are you just trying to make light of something painful?

So the crux of the matter: though this was quite a while ago, the bad ending still bothers me. I still feel guilty on occasion.

Yeah, I'm breaking up a paragraph here. Get used to it. He feels guilty. So he told her to take a flying leap and broke her heart or acted exceptionally childish. Got it.

Not only was she not my girlfriend anymore, but I feel like I abruptly lost one of my best friends.

One of the worst things about the breakup of any long-term relationship. It's your friend you miss most. Seems reasonable to me.

I still think about her occasionally, wondering how she's doing and if her life is all right or laughing at something we did together or realizing she would be a great person to talk to about a certain subject, and then I feel horrible for thinking of her when I have such an amazing woman in my life.

Occasionally. Like every few months or more? Heck, I still think of my best friends from grade school occasionally and the things that we used to do. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. Or my first crush. Or whatever. So, is he feeling guilty because he remembers her? Or because he longs to be with her again? There's a HUGE difference there. I'm guessing he remembers other girls he dated (if there were any) or his first crush or whatever, too. Does he think about her that way? Then just go on with your life. Or is it more of a case of wanting things back the way they were? (Hint: they'll never be the way they were. Never.) Oh, and a reminder that his wife is amazing. Is he trying to convince himself? Or us?

What do I do? Do I just continue to wait it out (as I said, this happened a while back), or should I seek closure? Should I try to contact her, or leave her completely out of my life? And if that's the case, what do I do about the thoughts that still make me feel like scum?

A while back? Like a few months ago? A few years ago? A few decades ago? The answer may be different in each case. I liked the idea of a letter of apology if he feels it is necessary so he can move on. Ideally, that should have been done long before the marriage, but the world is seldom ideal. But he needs to decide what he would like to happen after he sends said letter. Depending on the circumstances, he may never hear from her in response to the letter at all. In which case the only benefit to him would be putting those feelings in one place so he can get rid of them. And perhaps he does owe her that apology. But what if she responds? Will he reply to that, starting an ongoing conversation, either consciously or subconsciously? What does he do then? Is that what he's really after? He needs to know ahead of time what he would do even if she responded professing her undying love and telling him that she's been waiting for him after all this time. Because that may be a can of worms better left closed. Again, it all depends on who ended it, why, and how.

I just want to be completely true to my wife, and I don't know what to do to resolve my issues. Thanks for your advice.

Resolving an issue would be disloyal to your wife? That worries me more than anything. This sounds almost more like a how do I get over someone letter than anything right here, and I've already ranted about that.

- Troubled

Hmmm.... Troubled is right. See, it all depends on how often occasionally is, how far back some time back is, and what he wants out of it. If he wants his best friend back, I'd say get over it and get on with your life. If he feels bad that he was a cretin, then apoligize, let it go, and get on with your life. But either way, the answer isn't to let her be his best friend all over again. See, that can lead to ALL sorts of trouble, that I may or may not rant on some other time.

One other random thought, perhaps he should write that letter for it's cathartic effect, and then either burn it or tear it into little pieces. It works well when you're angry with someone. You write down all the hurtful things you want to say but know you shouldn't. Then, somehow, having gotten them out, you can destroy them and find out you didn't need to say them so much after all.

I'm just glad this isn't me. I wish him the best of luck. No matter what he decides to do. And I think I'll pray for both him and his wife tonight.

Things that make you go hmm....

At work we have openings for several interns. Now, this is not a summer internship. It's not a semester long internship. This is an until-you-graduate-if-you-want internship working 20 hours a week when school is in session and 40 hours a week when it isn't. We mostly get CS and engineering majors with a sprinkling of majors from the other hard sciences. However, a different section of our department has recently decided that they want to hire an intern as well. The section is research and they're looking for someone with diverse research experience (preferably a bit above and beyond simply using google) and possibly even someone who has experience customizing a search utility for a particular web site. As we were conducting interviews this morning, my boss was asking questions to see if the candidate had the relevant skills and the thought popped into my head that the ultimate candidate would say, "I write for the 100 Hour Board and more, I help designed the site search engine." It would never happen in 100 years (our internship agreement is with a different university in a different state) but I still think it would be the best answer EVER.

Does that make me an addict?